I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
