dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
