how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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