If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
