I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
