Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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