my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
