I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
