She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
