and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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