Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
