Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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