dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
