When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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