i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
