dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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