the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
