i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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