i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
