you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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