You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
