I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
