Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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