She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
