You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
