I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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