Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
