The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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