she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
