so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
