When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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