I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
