I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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