level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
