it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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