That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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