Don't make out with my wife yet
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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