After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
