Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
