"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
