Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He better not be in your backpack
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
