btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
