i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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