just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
