there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
