If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We talked him into tasing himself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
