I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize