The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
