Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my being single is dangerous.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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