I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
