She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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