i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You ruined the universe
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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