just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
