I must be too annoying 4 u.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
