Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
