I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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