Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
