Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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