my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
