Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
