The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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