actually, I'm a sock model
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
