i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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