I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
