Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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