We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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