I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
