so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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