You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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