Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
