I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
