im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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