I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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