my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
