Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
