i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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