did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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